I'm not going to fight for a friendship that is not worth it. The comments that we make back and forth to one another and you give up, so why should I fight for a friend who can't do the same. It's not that I want to quit being friends with you, its YOU that blocked me. I thought that was loud and clear that YOU didn't want to be my friend. So I asked you to just delete me off your F-list. 

So WTFever! I'm tired of feeling bad for you, its not worth it. I have enough drama in my life right now, I don't need this. It may be mean, but you shut the door on me first. Remember that.

I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I'm not strong enough to deal with it

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

This is such a pretty song, I'm like in love with it at the moment. *sighs*

Liz, if you could remove me from your f-list I would appriciate it. Being that we are no longer friends. Thank you. You're free you don't have to put up with my baggage anymore. Buh bye.


I think I'm going to take a break from LJ, and AIM because I want to dwell in my " Woe is me life "and drown in my baggage. 

Because no one else is going to dwell for me, but thyself. And this might be a bit on the bitchy side, and a tad bit mean but eh you only live once right?. And besides, life's a bitch.

Sometime today my sister in law has to have surgery again, I'm not sure what kind of surgery. All I know is that she had to do a CT scan. I'm worried about her, her spirit is down. Or well it was last night. She keeps getting set backs, so if everyone could pray for her. I know she needs to be lifted up in God's prayers. 

I would be over there with her but I'm still sick and I had to leave last night. I might if I feel better go over there and just check on her, but I have to call and ask my brother if he thinks that is a good idea or not. Because she doesn't need to catch what I have. 

Thanks, I love each and everyone of you. *hugs*

Ugh I hate not getting any sleep, especially when I went to bed at 12 am and woke up at 3:30 am. Thats not even 4 hours, I think. I can't count because my brain is useless at this moment. 

I went to the Christmas parade our town had last night, in the freezing snow. I had alot of fun and got some hot choc but I think I added another week on to my flu/cold illness. 

I was making up new words, which isn't really all that crazy but considering I was seeing double and slurring and dizzy and trying to help my 6 yr old niece with her homework. Wasn't such a good idea. 

This is rather useless but its not even  5 am. I'm tired, I'm cold. My throat hurts like nobody's business and I want to be a lazy bum and crawl my  bum self back into bed. 

But I be making grilled chesse and some soup. So I'll be up now.

And someone get on AIM because Nic and Liz aren't on and I am lonely, how dare they leave me for sleep!? Cruel creatures is what they are. *looks around* I ummm mean nothing. But in all fairness I left them first. Oh what a tangled web we weive...

It's amazing and beautiful how just a moment with someone, really alters your views on your life.  I went to stay with my sister in law, who has Berkets(?) I'm not sure how you spell it. Her spirit, is just so beautiful. She is done with her first round of chemo, she has 7 more to go through and she's still a fighting. Just me being there getting ice chips, helping her up to use the bathroom was so much help to her, that she wanted me to stay with her again. But I just found out I got a cold, and I'm sick. I thought I just had a sinus thing, but I lost my voice somewhat, my throat hurts and I can't :( I wish I could be there for her, this amazing person. I just can't imagine how I would be if I were in her shoes. 

Keep praying for her and keep her in your thoughts, she was so happy when I told her most of my friends were praying for her. God works, he got rid of most of her Cancer.

*hugs*

Thanks you guys.

To everyone, hope everyone filled up their tummys. God bless.

Chrissy is sick she's got some kind of a bug. Throat hurts, headache, nose is stopped up and stuffy. And she be having the air condition on and its like 44 degress outside.

I love me mommy! akljfdasfdjlk *faints* *drools* look! sajldkf!

Marissa and Dean....klsadjfasdf. Slay me.




*faints*

Tanya called me yesterday! :) I was so happy I got to talk to her. You guys continue praying for her and keeping her and her mom in your thoughts and prayers. 

Sorry for my rant earlier, tonight this person that I thought would never suprised me, suprised me. He saved me, I held him in my arms and we cried together. He saved me from doing something stupid, and I held onto him trying to keep him together.  He is turning into the person I always knew he could be and I'm slowly  becoming the person I was before my mom died. He used to be my friend, my best friend. He broke my heart so many times and tonight we were healed together. He's still broken, and I'm far from being fixed but I realized how much I meant to him and he realized just how much he meant to me.  Sadly it took his grandmother dieing for him and me to become better friends again, but we never really stopped. No matter what was going on in our lives.  And tonight we just let go and clinged onto whatever the future will be. I'm really proud of him. I hope he can be strong enough to get through this, I told him that I would go to her funeral tomorrow and that when he leaves to go to North Carolina to call me or message me or something. All is right with the world, even if it isn't.

8 days till Thanksgiving. 

Gee some things to give thanks for this year

1. First year without my dad.
2. Another year without my mom
3. Having to go visit my grandmother, who thinks I'm my mother. Great another reminder that my mom has passed away. Gee can't wait for that. What fun.
4. Won't get to see my sister in law probably because she'll be in the hospital. I hope she gets better. But I hate that she won't be home with my brother and their kids.
5. Probably will get a call from Jess, saying what a horrible friend I am, that I'm such a heartless bitch that deserves what I have.
6. That I'm not 21 so I'll be painfully sober and fully aware. When I just want to drink this holiday, spend it pukeing my guts out in the toilet and not go anywhere. 
7. Because family, think you can trust them. Hell no, they are worse than the fucking cops. Anything you say or do will be held against you. Even when your trying to defend someone. 
8. Thanks huh? you want thanks?! Thanks I'm not dead!? I might as well be. The only people that didn't lie were the two biggest liars that passed away!


Tis the fucking season!

I wish I was just dead. People wouldn't be this bad off. I wouldn't put people out of place! Heaven forbid I try and help someone out. Last time they can just run their fucking mouths. I won't say a damn thing. Hell I'd be better off just leaving here. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Like I said, Tis the fucking season!